An e-mail I sent Mark, very early on Tuesday, January 31, 2006:
| from: | Amanda Pape ********@gmail.com | ||
| to: | Mark Gresham <megresham@********> | ||
| date: | Tue, Jan 31, 2006, 12:24 AM | ||
| subject: | live journal |
I wish there was an easy way for me to tell when I get a new comment on a posting in my Live Journal. Right now, I can't tell and so sometimes I don't see things until VERY late in the day. Doesn't help that the time stamps on comments in Live Journal are about six hours ahead of real time - very confusing. And I am not sure who reads my Live Journal so I have to be rather circumspect. Still, I was thrilled by one of the comments I got yesterday.
I feel very strange. Sort of like someone kissed me and took my breath away, with an ache deep down inside that just won't go away. It started Sunday around 5 PM. Thank God I don't have any pressing schoolwork at the moment or this could be very bad. I'm so distracted...
I've been thinking about your story of you fixing my hair and dressing me up in that sweater dress to go off with that attorney, and how you said it made you feel....I didn't realize it made you feel that way. I do remember feeling terribly jealous and possessive about you - and when you think about the circumstances back then, those feelings for either of us really didn't make any sense! Now of course circumstances are different and it might actually make sense....am I making any sense? Do feelings ever make any sense? If they did, maybe that achy emptiness would go away....
Tomorrow will be a long day. Working both jobs tomorrow (9 to 5:30 then 6 to 9) won't help. Or maybe it will, maybe I'll be so busy that I'll forget that I haven't felt this way in so long.
________
Ah yes, that sweater dress. A gorgeous green angora. I weighed about 123 when the photo below of me wearing the dress was taken in April 1982, when I was 25. It was Mark's Christmas gift to me in 1981. I do remember wearing it to a New Year's Eve party that year that a bunch of City of Corpus Christi attorneys were having. I had recently befriended one of the female city attorneys - sadly, I cannot remember her name. Anyway, I think she set me up on a sort of blind date for that party with another city attorney named Ken Fields. I don't remember much about that New Year's Eve party, only that Ken clearly wasn't interested in me.
I do remember "feeling terribly jealous and possessive" about Mark, and with "the circumstances back then, those feelings for either of us really didn't make any sense!" I was single, not interested (at least at that point) in settling down, so Mark was perfect for me (I wasn't his "only" either). I went out with every guy who asked me out - I was very much playing the field - and was rather involved with a few of them.
And as for 2006 - I wasn't ready to settle down again then either, at least not at first. I had another old boyfriend from my college years in the Dallas/Fort Worth area - and plans to see him sometime in February.
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